Forgiveness and Freedom

Why Should I Forgive?

Think of forgiveness as a gift that you give to yourself. It is not something you do for the person who hurt you. It is a gift to yourself because it enables you to stop feeling painful feelings and pushing others away. Forgiveness frees you from anger and allows you to restore your ability to have close and satisfying relationships with others.

Anger is a poisonous emotion that comes from being hurt. When you are consumed with anger and bitterness, it hurts you at least as much as it hurts the person who has harmed you. It is as if you are filled with poison. If these feelings are not resolved, they can begin to eat you up inside.

You have two choices: to stay connected to the person who hurt you by keeping these poisonous feelings alive, or to let the feelings go and forgive the person who harmed you. When you withhold forgiveness, think about who is actually being hurt. It is more than likely that the person who is filled with anger and anxiety is you, not the other person.

What Forgiveness is Not:

§ Forgiving another does not mean you will never again feel the pain or remember the thing that hurt you. The hurtful experience will be in your memory forever. By forgiving, you are not pretending the hurtful behavior never happened. It did happen. The important thing is to learn from it while letting go of the painful feelings.

§ Forgiveness is not about right or wrong. It doesn’t mean that the person’s behavior was okay. You are not excusing their behavior or giving permission for the behavior to be repeated or continued.

§ When you forgive another, it does not mean you wish to continue your relationship with them. This is a separate decision. You can forgive a person and live your life apart from them.

Forgiveness can only take place because the Lord has given us the ability to make choices. This ability is a gift that we can use it whenever we wish. We have the choice to forgive or not to forgive. No other person can force us to do either.

How to Find Freedom:

1. Identify areas of bitterness and resentment in your life.
God says in Jeremiah 6:14, “You can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there!”

2. Admit or “own” the problems.

We have to admit that we have been defeated by an internal force that has brought nothing but pain and degradation to our lives; then, we have to admit we need help in dealing with that force.

3. Ask for and accept the Lord’s help in dealing with your feelings.

We must completely accept the fact that we cannot remove our own shortcomings, and we must become willing for God to remove them for us. To be entirely ready is to reach a spiritual state where we are not just aware of our defects; not just tired of them; not just confident that the Lord will remove what should go – but all these things together.

4. Join with others for support and accountability.

Join a small group for support and form an accountability relationship with someone of the same gender.There are many christian recovery groups out there, possibly through your church, that can help you deal and heal in a safe healthy God centered environment.